The bag saga

From time to time she does these things - Sara left her bag in the taxi last night. So I battled with the Thai automated call centre and cancelled her ATM card, and phoned the landlord to ask about getting the locks changed (diary plus front door key is a bad combination to lose).
But then tonight, we get this random call from a Thai woman. By combining her two-word grasp of English with Sara's equivalent Thai, we gather she has the bag. So we jump into a taxi, and pass the mobile to the driver, as at least he will understand the woman. We're taken on a random trip through the night-time traffic. Turns out the bag has "appeared" at a show-bar several miles across town. Sara's delighted - OK, the cash has gone, but it was less than a tenner, and she's got back the really important stuff. Like her diary and lipstick. I give the woman 200 Baht for her trouble, as she appeared to be the good samaritan of the story.

Chatuchak (part 2)

Oh no, it's a Saturday, and Sara wants to go to Chatuchak market again. Apparently we need some "throws" for the sofa and chairs, or something. But it's 35° out there, I protest. Ah well, I'll be able to cool off this afternoon, as we're invited round to an Aussie's poolside BBQ...

Am I mkanig snese?

So the written language is even crazier than I first realised. OK, so you've got the 46 consonants and 30 vowels, and you've got the fact that they don't use any spaces between words at all. But now I discover that the vowels can be positioned before, after, above or below the consonants they're associated with, dependent on the word in question. So the order of the letters in the written word isn't necessarily the order that the sounds are made. Madness!
Apparently this leads to some amusing spellings when Sara's kids apply the same 'logic' to their English.

Tigger, Paint, Ferrari, Grid...

So there's an odd thing with names over here - there's apparently some government decree that everybody's got to have a different name, and so most people have the most crazily long and unpronounceable names. It's so impractical that everybody also has an official "nickname", and real names are seldom used. And some of the nicknames are pretty random - at Sara's school there's a Paint, a Ferrari, a Tigger and a Pooh, a Grid(?), two sisters called Kit and Kat, and believe it or not, a young lad called Bogey. Calling the register has never been so much fun!

Part-timer

Sara's started teaching this week, as the kids have returned to school. She's only got 2 to 3 hours teaching a day, so surely it can't be too stressful...

Quick trip back home

So we had our first contact from the UK yesterday - we met up with Meena and her daughter Rakhi, who's passing through Bangkok on a round the world adventure. To fully exploit the situation, we went to The Black Swan, an English Pub downtown. I had a remarkably genuine Sunday Roast experience, complete with Yorkshire puds, whilst they went for the Toad-in-the-Hole. Fantastic bit of escapism.

Can we help you? (all 7 of us)

So one thing I've noticed is the surprising level of staffing in a lot of places. In Tescos, there's one assistant per aisle, with around a dozen in the TV aisle, generally watching "Academy Fantasia", which seems to be some kind of Fame Academy-type show. At a department store today, Sara queued at a single till operated by 7 staff, which I think is some kind of record. One assistant picked up the items and announced their price, one typed into the till, another security-stamped each item to indicate it had been paid for, another handled the cash, and three more offered moral support from behind.

Singha, Tiger, Chang...

Beers are remarkably cheap, and generally really nice - even Sara's got into them. Rather worryingly, the weak ones start at 6%. That could explain a few things...

Flatpack fun

So I've always mocked people who are into DIY, but there I was, screwdriver in hand, surrounded by various bits of chipboard and some incomprehensible Thai instructions. A mere 5 hours later, and I was the proud creator of a computer desk and chair. OK, so the sliding keyboard drawer doesn't actually slide out, and my "office hands" have sustained a few blisters, but I felt it was a day well spent.

Taxi tech

They do like their technology over here. I just got out of a cab that had a flat screen TV in place of the vanity mirror in the passenger seat. I couldn’t really work out what exactly I was watching, but it did involve oddly-dressed young women hopping around like frogs in a very fake-looking jungle. Odd.

Narrowband internet

Sara’s first day at work. But before you ask, no I’m not lazing around watching Richard and Judy in Thai. In fact I’ve been very busy. Amongst other things I’ve got our house hooked up to the internet. At a blistering 12.0kbps. I think I was spoilt by all that free broadband access at Nortel. This is so slow……

Apparently it’s pretty easy to get broadband. It’s around £10 a month for 512kbps, but I think I’ll happily pay.

Did the earth move?

OK, so we knew the house was near to the airport. And after all those years at Elsenham, I though I knew the score. But this is something different. They are so loud! Although only the occasional one – maybe one or two an hour. But some of them sound like they’re literally going to land on the roof. I have to fight off the urge to duck (as if that would help anyway). At least the airport doesn’t operate through the night.

The Evil Empire

So we never thought we’d be reduced to it, but it’s amazing how attractive the concept of air-conditioning and English signage becomes after a day of trawling the markets. Yes, I’ll come clean. We’ve been to Tescos. I was surprised to see them here - not satisfied with conquering the UK, they’ve clearly got sights set on Bangkok.

Chatuchak weekend market

Is apparently the size of 7 million football fields or something. Certainly seems like it. And in 30 degree heat, my dislike of shopping becomes pathological. Still, Sara keeps me on target, and we get some nice stuff (if that’s what you’re into). We return laden with a rather quirky bunch of hand-made crockery (at around 30p an item) and a shiny new wok.

Movin’

We’re in! We’re so lucky to have such a great place to live. I’ll need to post some pictures once I’ve worked out how to do it. House is furnished, but we need to get a lot of stuff – off to the market…

Gotta get yourself connected

Got a couple of pay-as-you-go SIMs for a few quid, put them in our UK phones, and we’re connected. GSM was such a good idea. Apparently it’s possible to phone the UK from the mobiles for 10p a minute. Bargain.

The Queen’s birthday

Kicking around the hotel with Becky and Gideon, who also have to wait until Saturday to move into their place. All the other new teachers have already moved in – there seems to be around a dozen of us newbies all told, including partners.

Public holiday to celebrate the Queen’s birthday. Any excuse for a festival here, apparently. Also the royals are venerated. Prince Charles and co must be jealous.

The Thai alphabet

Apparently it has 40 consonants and as many vowels, which is bad enough. But get this – they don’t use spaces!! It’s just all one word! I mean, what chance do I have…

Mo Shit (no sniggering)

Another taxi mishap. We were wanting Mo Shit skytrain station, which I was delighted to communicate successfully, getting the tones right and everything. But we were dropped at Mo Shit bus station, which turns out to be a totally different place. Doh!

House!!

Major stroke of luck! The school had been keeping a house for a family who are turning up from the UK, but it turns out it’s not suitable for them. So we have a look, and immediately agree it’s the place for us. OK, so it’s a bit over the top, as we clearly don’t need so much room (it’s massive), and I don’t think we’ll be getting a maid to occupy the adjoining maid’s quarters, but at least I can go on the balcony and not be terrified of a 25-floor drop! Plus it’s in a really nice compound with gardens to sit out in, and a little pool for cooling off. A few of the teachers from Sara’s school also live there, so it should be a friendly enough place. It’s currently being repainted, so we can move in on Saturday…

Thai green curry

What a fantastic dish it is, eh? I could eat this every day. Wonder how long till I’m sick of it.

Taxi for Keet

OK, so taxis are cheap, and there’s absolutely loads of them. But it’s not quite as easy as you’d expect. Partly, it’s down to the fact that they clearly don’t have the equivalent of “The Knowledge” here, but mainly I think it’s that my Thai pronunciation is so bad that I can’t even communicate the name of a street. With the 5 tones, I guess it’s no surprise really. I try my best, but they drive off with an apologetic wave. Still, there’s always another one 10 seconds behind, so I try again…

Talk Thai To Me

Not being particularly brave with the language yet. You know that initial embarrassment factor that you need to get over…
I hear that as a man, it is polite to end phrases with the word “krap”, which vaguely amuses me…

More apartments

Some more apartments. Again, scarily high. Maybe living in one, you’d get used to it? Worth waiting to see some more places tomorrow.

The view from the 25th floor

The school seem reasonably organised - the driver picks us up at 8:30am, no hanging around. No chance to sleep off the jetlag, then. Straight off to the bank, and in no time we've opened an account and been issued with Switch cards. Surely all Thai bureaucracy can't be this efficient?

Afternoon, and we’re looking at apartments. And they’re all well high. We’re talking at least 20 floors up. I’m too scared to go near the balconies. Claustrophobic. The views are stunning, the apartments really nice, but I don’t feel tower-block living is for me.

Our guide from the school says there’s no other accommodation options, which is depressing. But surely in a city this size…

Hit the ground running

And it's straight off the plane, to the hotel, 5 minutes for a shower, and we're out to dinner with all the other new recruits to Sara's school. Seem like a nice bunch, and the various bosses are friendly. To be honest, it's all a bit of a blur, as the jetlag has messed with my mind.

They put ice in their beer over here. Weird. Although it's kind of warm outside, so I guess it makes sense...

12 hours

So it's a 12-hour flight in a full plane, and after dinner I lie back to discover... I can't lie back, cos my seat is broken. Sara jumps to the rescue by complaining to a stewardess, and I get bumped up to Premium. Very comfy, cheers BA.

Old joke: Sara and I flew to Thailand with BA.
It was a complete nightmare, all the way he's like "you crazy foo', I ain't gettin' on no plane"

And it's goodbye from us

Heathrow airport - and the BA woman is a star, casually waving through the tremendous amount of overweight lugguge that we check in. Meanwhile, Andy's doing a good job in the background, hiding the 40kg of carry-on that we've also got with us. Cheers also to Rachel, Van, Simon & Ali for coming down to see us off. Good effort on keeping the tears to a minimum! It was Simon's idea, by the way; this blog thing. Seems a bit of an act of hubris, but here we go...